A Gentleman's Handbook
by finally-alive
Summary: Follow this seven step guide on how to be a modern day Romeo as told by Zachary Goode. This can also be entitled: How Zach fell for Cammie, if you squint. non-spy/ slight AU, Zach's pov
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I still do not own the Gallagher Girls series.**

 _A Gentleman's Handbook_  
as told by Zachary Goode

Hi, hello there! My Name is Zachary Goode. If you're reading this, you're probably a fellow dude in need of advice on how to treat a lady _or_ you're a lady wondering if chivalry is really dead, how do I get a knight in shining armor, how do I know if a guy likes me etc. I get it; these are all real world problems and real world questions. But don't fear because I am here to help everyone and anyone who needs it.

Now you're probably wondering what qualifies me to give out such dire information and how do I even know it works? Well, let me start with, I'm Zach Goode. Yes, _thee_ Zach Goode. I don't mean to boast or seem egotistical (although my lovely girlfriend seems to think otherwise) but come on. I'm suave and debonair. I dress with button up shirts _and_ fold the sleeves up. I still open the door for girls. I know how to bring flowers for your mom at the door of your parent's house but also include some form of alcohol for your old man. I'm polite. So polite that I was kind enough to lay out all my tips and tricks to help my fellow bros out there finally land the lady of your dreams. And yes, they are ladies—not girls— _ladies_.

Because together, we can do this.

Now are you with me? It's going to take a lot of effort but it will be worth it as I've devised a full proof plan. Let me help you help yourself.

 **1, Understand the Object of Your Affection**

Now, it is one thing to look at a girl and think she's beautiful or dare I say if I can be crude, " _smokin' hot."_ But it is another to really know her. You may see a girl across the room from you and immediately feel an attraction. Yes, that is normal. Trust me, I've been there. But you can't just base it off that. You need to find the courage to go up to her, to get to know her.

Start simple. "Hi my name is…" and see where that takes off.

I remember meeting my now girlfriend for the first time. I wasn't really nervous because like I said, I'm Zach Goode. I don't get nervous. But I immediately felt something down the pit of my stomach and knew that this girl was special. Cliché I guess but it was true! I was a man struck by Cupid's arrow. This arrow pierced through my heart like painful daggers but injected this euphoria I know find myself feeling not just the first day I met my girl but everyday after that.

I walked up to the line at my local coffee shop right behind the girl of my dreams. She had earphones on and a book in hand. I eyed the book and noticed it was _Pride and Prejudice_ by Jane Austen. Now I've never read _Pride and Prejudice_ but I can tell you one thing, if you see a girl holding this classic. It's either she's a) funny and witty and intellectual. The kind of girl who's smart—who has opinions and thoughts and dreams. The kind of girl who spends late nights in her room watching movies and reading books that have depth and soul. The kind of girl you want to make laugh for the rest of your life. Or b) she's just holding that book because it was assigned on a school reading list of some sort.

I'm going to go on a whim and say it's the former.

So anyway, I look at this girl and don't know how to approach her because I can't just start talking about _Pride and Prejudice_ when I have not read the book. Let's just say the time I was supposed to be reading that in class was spent secretly on my phone playing _Candy Crush Saga_. But it doesn't seem to matter as the line moves along and she rips an earbud out of her ear with Panic! At the Disco playing loudly. I smile. I love Panic! At the Disco. So that's what I say.

"Aw man, I love Panic! At the Disco," I say loudly enough for her to ear. She turns around and I'm met with these dark blue eyes that look as fierce as glaciers but warm and inviting. That's contradictory because how can glaciers be warm and inviting? Let me think of a better reference, they're blue. As blue as the little Smurfs running around their little village. Okay, no. They're blue but not that blue. Think of the night sky just after a sunset and when the stars start to shine bright. Those were her eyes and I was in love.

She smiles "yeah I'm really feeling their new album." She says more but I can't recollect everything she's saying because I'm too captivated by the curve of her smile, the way her brown hair falls down in loose waves, and how animated she sounds over Panic! At the Disco's lead singer, Brendon Urie. She's passionate and mystical and amazing all at once.

She turns her head around when the cashier asks for her order. I hadn't realized we made it to the front of the line. She asks for her coffee black, just as I do, and I find myself saying "Hey Amanda, make it two. On me." Because I go to this coffee shop regularly, every morning and the cashier, Amanda, knows my name and my order. I watch as Amanda scribbles my name on two cups and immediately passes it on to the other workers. She rings up my total and I pay with my debit card.

We step to the side, waiting for our order to be picked up when the girl says, "thank you but I don't think I should be accepting coffee from a complete stranger."

I smirk my signature smirk and shrug "well maybe we should change that huh?"

"Two black coffees!" The barista, Ed calls out and nods over at me. He places the cups on the counter and walks away. I pick them up then I gently hand one over to the girl. She accepts my offer and says "I'm Cammie."

Cammie.

The name rings in my ears like church bells on a Sunday morning.

She stares at me, waiting for me to respond but I got to keep my cool. Remember, you always have to keep your cool. Girls like guys who keep their cool. You don't have to _be_ cool. But you have to find some form of cool and keep it. "Well, it's nice to meet you Cammie" is my smug reply.

This takes her back and I love the way her eyebrows raise in surprise and confusion. I take a sip of my coffee and nod, "I'm going to be late. But if you're free some time. Call me." I start walking away.

"I don't have your number" is Cammie's reply.

"Yeah you do," I say without turning back and walking out of the shop. Smooth. You always have to be smooth.

Inside the shop, Cammie is still bewildered as she takes a sip of her drink. Only when she brings the coffee to her lips, she notices the markings on her cup. The cup says Zach with a seven-digit number scrawled in messy handwriting. She smiles.

Now you're probably wondering how I pulled that off. Well, I've noticed Cammie in the coffee shop everyday for the past two weeks. I knew she was beautiful but that's about it. I told my friends, Amanda and Ed, that I was interested and once I learned at least two things about her that I liked; I would buy her a coffee. And once I buy her a coffee, have my name and number written on the cup for her.

Now if you can't find some kind of strategy to smoothly let your girl know you're into her. I suggest doing it small and start by introducing yourself. Don't be afraid. As long as you don't give off the wrong vibe, you'll be good to go.

 **a/n: If this is isn't clear, this is purely humorous and not meant to be taken seriously. Let me know what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

I hope you were brushing up on your skills, gents. Today we are going to be talking about the next step.

 **2, Listen**

Sounds simple right? It should, you don't even have to do anything but use your ears. But believe me, listening can actually be one of the hardest things to do for a guy. Especially when we have Halo 5 on our brain. _Believe me, I know_.

But we can't forget that our female counterparts love to speak. About anything. I know this because not just from the girls I go to school with but my own mother can go on and on about everything. Clothes. Blah Blah. Food. Blah Blah. Hair. Blah Blah. It's a little overwhelming but the women in our lives deserve an ear or two. The recommended number is two but if you're only half listening I guess that's better than not listening. But be warned that by not listening you may receive the ever so famous line "if you were listening, what did I just say?"

And depending on your answer, you could get into big trouble, my friend.

But trust me, listening is so much easier than risking getting into an argument. And believe it or not, you might be interested in what your girl has to say. Let me pick up from where I last left off in my story.

Unfortunately, my plan wasn't going as smoothly as I thought it would. It's been a week since I bought Cammie her coffee and I'll say I was disappointed when she didn't immediately call me or text me or do _something_. But it's okay because remember what I said about playing it cool and being cool? Yeah, you have to do that always. And besides, I've watched enough chick flicks (don't ask why) to know that a girl likes to take her time so she doesn't seem "desperate" and I can respect that, I'm sure I would wait it out a few days too. But at this point, it's been a week and I'm already dying.

In case my plan doesn't work out and Cammie just thinks I'm some kind of creep. Don't quote me on any of my advice. But because I'm Zach Goode, you can quote me. Because eventually it did work.

It happened on a Thursday afternoon, I was walking out of my philosophy class when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I pulled it out, an unknown number flashing on my screen. I didn't think of it as much at first until I answered "Hello?" and a sweet yet nervous voice replies "Uh… Zach?"

It was Cammie. I had to stop myself from smiling. "Hey," I say, trying to play it cool. I am normally cool but for some reason, I felt a little jittery listening to Cammie knowing she took the time to call me.

"Um, hi," was her reply.

"So what's up?" I asked, walking down my university's courtyard to an empty bench just below a large oak tree. I took a seat.

"I was uh, just wondering what you're up to?" she says back nervously. "It's Cammie by the way, from the coffee shop…" her voice trails off.

I knew she was nervous and could sense it in her voice. Let me tell you something fellas, whenever a girl feels nervous or uncomfortable it is your duty as a guy to push that discomfort away. You never want to be the kind of guy that a girl feels uncomfortable around.

"I'm glad you called," I blurt out.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I actually thought you wouldn't" is my sheepish reply.

I can sense the tension lifting when Cammie lets out a laugh, "well, I normally do not call the number of a random boy who randomly leaves me his number on a random coffee cup."

"A little too much?" I ask.

"No," she says quickly. "It was sweet. Thanks for the coffee."

"Anytime," I say back.

And from that day, the exchange of words go back and forth to the point where talking became a regular thing between us. Sometimes she would call during our free lunch breaks when I'm grabbing a bite at my local burger joint and she's enjoying a salad she packed for herself. Then we would exchange texts throughout the day till we got home from work or school or wherever. I would call her before it was late enough to go to bed, we would talk about anything and everything. Sometimes I would call her right when I woke up, which made me seem nervous that I was coming off too eager. But she would always answer by the second ring then tease me that I was starting to fall in love with her or something. I always bit my tongue back whenever she would say that but I would laugh because in some parts it was be true.

I learned everything I could about Cammie. She lived in an apartment just a few blocks from her college. She had a brown longhaired dachshund named Bruce. Her favorite color was salmon and teal, to which I responded with a snide comment that it was just pink and blue but apparently it _was not._ When she was eight she got her first cast after she fell off an apple tree at Martha's Vineyard. She drank her coffee black but liked her tea green. She was nominated prom queen in high school but lost by two votes to some girl named Bex Baxter. Bex Baxter later became her best friend and current roommate. Bex is a hopeless romantic but unfortunately has had her heart broken a number of times by boys she thought were "the one." Cammie isn't sure if she believes in "the one" but she humors Bex anyway and comforts her with a pint of ice cream after every break up. Cammie loves the 1975 and had been to three concerts in the past two years. She loves curly fries. And the best curly fries she's ever had was at a small burger joint in New York City which she visits with her mom every winter break. Her parents divorced when she was really young but that never made her spoiled or spiteful. She still loves her mom and her dad both, she thinks sometimes things don't work out and no one is to blame.

Everything I learned about her, I found fascinating to no end. She could talk on and on for hours. Whether it was in person or through the phone. And I listened. I was captivated by everything she had to say.

It was hard not to be.

 **a/n: I love Zach! Please leave a review! My goal is to finish this story …. Soon. (I don't want to jinx it by saying I'll finish it then never write after that because it has happened lol).**


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